Monday, January 2, 2012

“Is Friendship Based on Compatibility or Chemistry?” - Professor M.S.Rao

“Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.” – Aristotle

People often confuse between compatibility and chemistry. Compatibility is about making things and people aligned as per the expectations to move forward successfully. However, chemistry is something beyond compatibility that is churned to ensure effectiveness in performance and longevity in relations.  I would like to share my personal observation in this regard.

I have a friend Tom who has been close with me for the last thirty years.  Our friendship survived for 30 years and you can imagine the kind of friendship we enjoy. I attended Tom’s marriage function 20 years ago and subsequently our friendship grew stronger with the interaction of my wife and children with his family members.  He has two sons and I also have two sons almost of similar age. I wanted that our friendship should extend to next generation the way my friendship with Tom grew. Hence, one day I told my two sons to move closely and make friendship with Tom’s two sons who are also very good by nature and behavior. My two sons agreed and began moving in a friendly way. They developed some degree of compatibility and began gelling well. However, my sons have their own friends and moving with them with great bonds. I began thinking why my sons could not build great bonds with Tom’s sons. Later on I realized that choosing friendship is their prerogative and they can choose as per their comfort and tastes and temperaments.  In addition, I felt that friendship cannot be created when someone advises to develop it. Friendship is a spark that is created when both mind and heart match with that of others. Friendship is beyond boarders that is cultivated based on various reasons some are known and some unknown.

We find some families break up due to lack of chemistry between wife and husband. At the time of marriage they may have compatibility and get married and after marriage they may not develop right chemistry leading to divorces and break-up. Therefore, why do people choose friends and how they are connected is still a mystery. Therefore, we can only advise others to make friendship but we cannot force them as friendship is a sacred relation connecting both mind and heart of different people thus bringing together. Hence, friendship requires more of chemistry than compatibility.

Professor M.S.Rao
Founder, MSR Leadership Consultants, India
Where Knowledge is Wealth

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